A couple of weeks ago, I was at a bar with a couple of female friends. One of them asked me if I was dating, and my answer was, “Well, I’d be open to it, but honestly I can’t imagine any man wanting to date a woman who is pregnant, so I haven’t really been trying. I’m on dating sites, but haven’t been proactive about it.” I explained more about why I felt that way…
- he may not want to deal with everything that goes along with it — weight gain, hormones, lots of baby talk, tiredness
- he may be scared of the future commitment of taking care of someone else’s child
- he may be really thinking ahead about an instant life with a newborn
… and on and on. My friends understood what I was saying, but also thought “you never know!” Maybe a man would be interested in that. You just never know how each individual person will feel about it.
I did write a similar post a while back “To Tell or Not To Tell“, but I was only 3 weeks pregnant at that time, so things were really different then!
Anyway… we looked over, and saw a single guy standing next to us, and one of my friends suggested (or maybe it was me?) we ask him! He was cute, looked around my age, and was alone. So my friend went up to him and started talking to him. I couldn’t hear, and didn’t want to miss his initial reaction so I went over too. I said, “So, here’s the deal…. I’m pregnant. I decided to get pregnant on my own because I really wanted a baby. I used a donor, so there’s no father in the picture.” (just like me to put it all right out there! :)) “So… would you consider dating someone like me?” Ha ha, totally caught him off guard!
His response was, “Yes, I’d want to know more! It’s especially intriguing because you did this on your own. If you got pregnant from an ex-boyfriend, then it might be a different story.” Hmmmm, interesting. “I actually admire that you too the steps to do this on your own.”
I then asked how old he was, and if he was looking to settle down soon, to have an idea of where his head is at regarding relationships and children — he’s 43, and is ready to have a family. “So, does the thought scare you of potentially raising someone else’s child?” “No, not at all.” Since that time, I’ve actually thought much more about that particular question… he wouldn’t be raising someone else’s child. He’d be raising MY child. There’s no father in the picture. There’s no “father” at all.
He did say that he was concerned that we might not be able to have sex the whole time I was pregnant. Ha, ha — apparently he’s a normal man, and jumps right to the thought of sex 🙂 He also said he was specifically intrigued about sex with a pregnant woman!
Wow, OK! This conversation definitely helped open my eyes that there might be some men out there who are open to dating a pregnant woman. Obviously he’s just one man, but I only need one man!
I also ended up having a conversation that weekend with some more female friends about WHEN is the time to tell a potential date that I’m pregnant (assuming that I met them online). They actually thought I should go so far as to put it it my profile, and explain my situation just like I did to the guy in the bar. That may actually attract some men who really want children, and would admire someone like me who took action to make things happen in my life. The potential downside is that it may scare some off right away (who, if we emailed first a bit, it might be a softer introduction to the idea), or it might also attract some crazies! The other option is to put it in an email to the guy fairly soon in our online conversation. I actually think I like that idea.
Maybe now is a good time to date, because finding the time after I have the baby is certainly going to be difficult for a while! Now, to find the time between moving and preparing for the baby’s arrival!
What do you think? Do you know men who would date a pregnant woman? Is it better to tell him via email versus in my profile better?
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